Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sobbing to NWA
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
