Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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