After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
