If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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