When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
