I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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