I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
