you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
