I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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