You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
