I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
