You really coming over, don't trick.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
