; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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