i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
