I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
