Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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