And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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