Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
