Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize