I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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