eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.