i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes