i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.