Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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