How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And then my night got REAL pukey
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?