$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
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She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.