Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i used baking grease as lip gloss

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  (978): i used baking grease as lip gloss http://tfl.nu/a8ny
  Replies (18) Good night (594) Bad night (5470)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

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  (860): i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow http://tfl.nu/61vx
  Replies (66) Good night (653) Bad night (6064)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (10012) Bad night (831)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach

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  (401): The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach http://tfl.nu/jjm1
  Replies (11) Good night (4500) Bad night (1297)
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  (408): View more from California

  You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.

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  (408): You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree. http://tfl.nu/igom
  Replies (1) Good night (2187) Bad night (846)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass

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  (419): I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass http://tfl.nu/s4so
  Replies (11) Good night (1779) Bad night (5110)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station

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  (303): Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station http://tfl.nu/qhlw
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (1647)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

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  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6690) Bad night (1097)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

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  (301): ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED. http://tfl.nu/hc30
  Replies (7) Good night (897) Bad night (537)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.

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  (724): Sat down on an escalator. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/nzjv
  Replies (6) Good night (1588) Bad night (539)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.

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  (410): my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation. http://tfl.nu/rbh2
  Replies (1) Good night (543) Bad night (321)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.

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  (360): Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void. http://tfl.nu/6brj
  Replies (1) Good night (213) Bad night (394)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.

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  (419): Oh and yeah that does count as public urination. http://tfl.nu/7asx
  Replies (0) Good night (232) Bad night (240)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off

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  (480): unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off http://tfl.nu/u622
  Replies (0) Good night (141) Bad night (326)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?

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  (630): The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming? http://tfl.nu/32bs
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (211)

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