Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
