I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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