well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
