OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
