Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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