Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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