fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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