So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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