My nipple is on Facebook.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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