You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
