Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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