piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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