went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
