It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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