i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
