nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
