I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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