Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
