You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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