Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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