Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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