Got a toothbrush?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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