This is not my ceiling
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
