You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
