he thought i was a dude.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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