Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
