i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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