D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
