She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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