So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
