dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
