I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
