So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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