My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
