My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
