also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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