Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
