Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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