i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
