This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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