I hate your face
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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