what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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