That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
